An open letter to my husband after 10 years of marriage…

Posted by Melanie in Featured, Mel & Me | 4 comments

To my husband,

You are the love of my life.  You make my life richer, fuller, more interesting and so full of love.  When we decided to join our lives together I had dreams of flowers and romance and making each other happy.  And there have been days like that.

But the reality of our marriage has been so much more complex.  We challenge each other and take on big challenges and lifetime commitments together.  We make life changing decisions together.  Marriage involves an intimacy that takes my breath away when I allow myself to think about it.  You have seen me at my worst and you love me anyway.  You have been so incredibly mad at me and still you love me so much.  The intimacy of that love year after year is astounding.  At every juncture there is a choice to keep committing to our love or to get annoyed, give up and stop.  Every time, you choose love.

I know you love me because of how you care for our lives.  The evidence of the love you have for our family is all around us.  It is clear in the way you care for our children and make time for them.  It is in the grass you cut, in the swimming pool you maintain, it is in the white picket fence that lines our 2-acre property that you repair and replace pickets for each year.  A couple of years ago someone recommended we replace that fence with something that would require less maintenance.  I couldn’t imagine trading it in–it is a symbol for me of the love in our lives.  Your love shows when you give me the car with the gas tank full and make sure the oil gets changed.  We haven’t chosen an easy life, but one full of love and care.  You show me that love every day.

When we got married, I thought marriage was about love and kisses but what I know now is that being married to you has allowed me to  be myself.  You want me to be the best I can be and you support me every chance you get.  You want me to succeed.  You like me the way I am even though I am outspoken, sometimes cranky, sometimes prickly, and occasionally bad at paperwork.  One of the most surprising things about being happily married to you is how much I enjoy getting to be me.  You have given me permission to be me and the love to help me flourish.

You are a truly remarkable human being and I am so glad I hitched my wagon to yours 10 years ago today.  Early in our relationship, we talked about this verse from Ruth in the bible:

“And Ruth said, “Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.”

Those words still live in my head and still feel true after all these years.  We have had losses in these years.  We have both lost important family and now we are watching our parents get older.  I love the people in your family and I know you love mine.  Your people have become my people.  Perhaps that is the greatest intimacy of all.

Being married to you is  the most interesting, challenging, mind-opening, loving, growth-inspiring decision I ever made.  I look forward to many more years of crazy love.

I love you so much,

Your wife

The Crucible Bookii is my story as it continues to unfold and how I see the world from my perch on the edge of the Crucible…because falling in love changed everything.  To read more about our story,  may I suggest  How Did You Meet Your Husband?