Background

People told me for years I should write a book.  They have watched the giant transitions in our lives and they have watched us be happy–for the most part.  They thought our lives and our story were interesting.

I have wanted to tell our story but there doesn’t seem to be an end to the interesting parts of our lives–they just keep happening.

But there was a beginning.  There was a moment in time that changed everything for me.  I was never the same after that moment.  It was the moment I decided to be in a relationship with Mel, who is a transgender man.

 Deciding to be in a relationship with Mel changed my life.  Before he transitioned, I came out about our relationship and people assumed I was a lesbian.  I was exactly the same person I have always been.  I still think of myself as straight and queer.  When I started my relationship with Mel, every other relationship in my life changed in some way and my connection to the world changed.  This one moment changed everything and became my crucible.

The Crucible isn’t a story about being queer.  Many days I am just a mom or just a wife or just a business coach or a friend or a family member.  On really good days I get to be Aunt Melanie.  But many parts of my life are viewed through the lens of being in a non-traditional relationship.  Everything is a little bit different because I am in a relationship with someone who is transgender.  Some days we go for ice cream; some days we come out to our children.  Some days I think about fashion; some days I try to figure out how to protect my family from the homophobia stirred up by the same-sex marriage debate.  This relationship is the fire in the crucible for me that incites me and changes me and fires me up and calls me forth.  In that tiny moment, when I decided to be in relationship with Mel, everything was the same and everything was different.  It was a new lens to experience my life through.  If I was brave enough to be in that relationship, then I could do anything.  This Bookii is my story as it continues to unfold and how I see the world from my perch on the edge of the Crucible…because falling in love changed everything.