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Today I am going to do 2 yoga classes. I missed one and it is really bugging me that I am on day 7 and it is my 6th yoga class. I want the alignment of being on day 7 and being on class 7. I start with a 6:30am class. I am still feeling the heat and am making it through more of the poses. I am finding incredible peace as I lie on my mat. I am craving spending a long time in shavasana which is essentially lying on my back on my mat with my arms to the side with my hands up. I have heard several things in passing about shavasana. One person suggested spending 20 minutes a day in this pose. That has stayed in my head. I have heard it is the most important pose in yoga. Which makes sense because it is in this pose that I really feel my breath settle in and I get completely relaxed. I am still content to lie in shavasana when the heat is too much for me and my heart rate feels too high. I am also hoping I will be able to do more of the work-out soon. I am craving a good strong work-out. I find I am challenged by the heat so I can’t keep doing all the poses. But then I am feeling like I didn’t get a good physical work-out, which is ironic since I am spending so much time going to yoga classes. It’s 8pm and I am at my second class and I am so sleepy. The class is completely packed and I am pretty sure I am just going to lie on the mat in shavasana. Oh no, a girl just came and put her mat so close I can’t extend my arms to the side in shavasana. I try to get comfortable but I feel totally crunched. I am noticing my attachment to space. I have a passing thought about India...
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Today was the 6th day of my 21 days of yoga and my 5th class at Moksha Yoga. It was a class that was mostly done on the mat. I was super excited to get there and to lie on my mat and breathe. It just felt so good to get there after missing yesterday. There was more work in this class that required me to sit on my knees for an extended period of time. It is interesting trying to find a position that isn’t going to hurt. I was able to to some of it. I am getting stronger and am noticing muscles I haven’t noticed before in a long time. A friend was watching the boys for me and I felt so grateful for her being able to take them while I went to the class. I really had to allow myself not to rush at the end. I love lying there for a long time just breathing. Is yoga addictive? I am really loving it and can’t wait to go back tomorrow. Day 6 was a great...
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Today was the hardest day of yoga of all. I didn’t make it to class. Or “to my mat” as the yoga people say (I think they say this, I am still a total newbie!). There were two times I could have possibly made it to yoga. Neither worked. As each one passed, I felt some loss and attachment to my 21 days of yoga. I watched my attachment and let it go. I felt loss, I watched it. I let it go. I am a mother first and my children needed me today. I have become attached to my yoga. I followed up with a friend who says she can take my kids with her to church this morning so I can go to yoga. I can’t wait to get back to my mat. I am completely aware of my life and my choices and how it is okay to take care of myself in the ways that I can–not always exactly how I want to. The class tomorrow isn’t the exact class I wish I could take, but it is a great class and I am so grateful I can go. I can’t wait! I am still going to make my 21 classes in 21 days–now I just have to find a time when I can do 2 classes in one day to make it all...
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I figured out a play-date for my kids and am feeling so excited about being able to do some yoga today before I drive to an event in Stratford for my daughter Sela’s school. I am excited about having an evening with her. She called yesterday and said she was free earlier and I could come see her before the event, but I decided to honor my commitment to yoga and myself and keep my yoga date. I get to class right before it starts and find a spot on the floor. I breathe and lie on my mat and I don’t quite feel like I have enough time before class starts. I want more time to lie down and breathe. Class starts in a new way and I realize I don’t know what class I am in. I keep up through the first poses and I realize I am able to reach my hands behind my thighs in a way I couldn’t even yesterday. Isn’t that nifty, I think to myself. Then class gets really hard. I can’t keep up. I still have no idea what the class is but I am completely intimidated. I try to do enough to get a work-out but have to spend a fair bit of time on my back on the mat. The teacher asks me twice if I am okay. I say yes, and I am, but I am feeling some shame that I can’t keep up. It is a mild shame–if that makes sense. The gap between these people and me is so great that it shames me until I get really humble. I decide I am okay exactly where I am and it is okay that I am on my journey. I try more poses and actually realize I have done more in this class than in any other class–I am getting better. Then my shoulders get sore and my knee starts to hurt. The voice of the teacher from the first day comes...
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It is my third day of yoga. I can’t do the 6:30 am class because it is silent yoga and I am sure I am not yet ready for that. I still have no idea what I am doing or what the sequences are. I am going to try a 2pm class and will go straight to get the boys afterward. Not sure if I will have time to shower or not but am glad there is a class that works for me. I get to Moksha just before class. “I am running,” I say, as I check in. “You have lots of time,” the woman behind the counter says. “Really?” I ask, surprised “Seven minutes,” she replies. I laugh at my own sense of hurry and how seven minutes can be a lot of time or a little. I am ready for yoga. The class is full. I find a place by the door. I again notice the space under my lower back as I lie down. I focus on my breathing and after five minutes I feel totally connected to my mat, the floor, the earth. I do more poses this time and am really enjoying how my body feels outside of yoga. I am feeling more solid on my legs than I have in a long time. I wore heels yesterday and felt really comfortable in them. I am feeling my muscles but am not physically very tired. Probably because I am mostly still lying on the floor trying to keep from overheating. I am having a dialogue in my head wondering if I am fooling myself by thinking that I am going to yoga, doing a few poses and then lying around on the floor sweating and calling it exercise. I am trying to still this voice and convince myself that if I want to lie on the floor, it is fine and if I come and continue to show up and be present, I will be doing more and...
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