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When my 4-year old twins, Emerson and Xander, were in kindergarten I got to visit their classroom. I noticed how many of the challenges we see in leadership teams have roots early on in the kindergarten classroom. I have to say, my children’s teacher was brilliant. I watched her blend great facilitation, inquiry, and relationship skills while keeping the interest of 17 busy 4 year olds for an hour. I saw her demonstrate great leadership skills herself, but I also saw her teaching leadership skills—something I work hard to teach leaders to do. Here’s what I saw: She has a busy classroom and sets it up in such a way that the children are rarely in trouble. She doesn’t keep them sitting too long or chastise them for talking. She creates time in the schedule for them to talk to each other—she believes in their relationships with each other. She fits the learning into their natural flow. She doesn’t keep herself at the center of their learning—she creates opportunities for them to learn in a variety of ways—she strategizes how they can learn from a variety of people. One of these opportunities is the third graders who come in to read to the kindergarteners once a week—they have a buddy system and they love it. This is teaching two skills: mentoring and helping others, and learning from others. She had another staff member come in and work with the children around the topic of responsibility. There was a book reading and a heated discussion led by the staff member, and I saw the teacher talking about responsibility during the time the kids got their coats and boots off and hung them up, and again when a child spilled a tub of small toys and they all helped pick them up. During circle time, I watched this teacher do 3 things that blew me away: the first was an inquiry session with my son Emerson. She asked him to figure out which of the children was...
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I don’t know about you but I feel an impending doom as we go back to school. I loved having my kids with me this summer. They are just so happy. I feel like we got into a groove when we were traveling and it was good for them. Since we got home, we have let them watch too much TV and be on their ipods way too much, but I want them to feel ready to do something interesting. We have been doing some good snuggling, too. We have been asking them how they are feeling and I am surprised how few words they have to talk about how they are feeling. Boys are so interesting that way. They will be in the same class this year which is different. They haven’t been in the same class since Junior Kindergarten. They have a myriad of after school activities, too. Also, Mel is teaching this fall. It is definitely going to be very busy. I look forward to the routine and I also feel the pressure of my life coming back. I have enjoyed taking a break this summer. I feel like we really did slow down and do life on our own terms. It was slower, it was more recreational. As we layer back the real life intensity, I feel like I am donning a cloak that doesn’t entirely fit. I am wearing it because I believe it is good for my family. They are faster paced than I am and although I can keep up most of the time, I know I get very fatigued from our fast-paced lifestyle. This summer the pace has been slower and one of my own...
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In the early days of our relationship, I used to think if we worked really hard at it, we could make our marriage better. I longed for a relationship where we told each other everything, met each others’ needs and kissed each other madly at the end of every separation. In short, I wanted more. I worked hard to get it and asked my spouse to work hard, too. In retrospect, all that longing wasn’t great for my relationship. Asking for my partner to give me more, didn’t make our relationship better. However, the desire to reduce all that conflict kept us in dialogue and helped us to change our marriage. Instead of asking for more of each other, the phrase that we laugh about repeatedly is, “If you aren’t happy in your marriage, lower your expectations!” After that, Mel always says, “If that doesn’t work, lower them some more.” In our early marriage, I had an unspoken expectation that it was Mel’s job to make me happy. Over the years, I have heard my clients suffer with these expectations. I was in agony and I hear my clients in agony because their expectations are unmet. I had to realize Mel signed up to do life with me, not in service to me. Understanding that changed everything. I watch Mel work extremely hard in our lives and I appreciate it. I realize if there is something around our house that needs doing, then I can do it, or request that he do it. And, as a kind and loving husband, he is usually happy to help with my request. I had to lower the expectations of what marriage should be (I often think of “should” as a dirty word!), and had to start appreciating what marriage is. Lowering expectations has worked wonders for our marriage–and laughing about it hasn’t hurt, either. Not having expectations of the way it is “supposed to be” has allowed us to appreciate the contributions from all of our family...
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4 countries 6 currencies 38 days 4 backpacks 3 rental cars 1 car loaned by friends 2 ferries old friends new friends 2 amusement parks 3 medieval villages 1 mountain climb to a chateau daily scrapbooks fresh baked bread old cheese, salami, french wine, Danish snaps, Danish beer, bubbles, 4 swimming pools, 2 hot springs, 2 beaches, and a whole lot of sunshine… It has been a week since we returned from our 5 week trip to Iceland, France, Denmark, and Sweden. I have had a hard time reintegrating back into my life. I have had difficulty writing. Not because I don’t have anything to say but because I have been on some kind of sensory overload for several weeks now and I have had a hard time forming a thought of my own. I have been awash in varied and intense emotions. I have had my fill of beautiful places and interesting visual stimulation. I have had my fill of re-connection and connection with people I have known, and people I have gotten to meet in the last month. I am physically spent. I can feel the physical exhaustion hanging on even though I have taken it easy this week and haven’t tried to do too much. I am sated by the time on vacation with my family and have been enjoying some time alone this week. Being in close quarters with my family was so warm and we have shared a real sense of connection that was sweet and special. Now we are all disconnecting just a bit so we can go on with our individual lives. People want to hear about our trip and I am not ready to talk about it much yet. It is like a new lover, something to savor that is greater than words. If I talk about it, I tie it down, I accidentally commit to giving it a meaning instead of letting my feelings exist on their own in a land without words. I want...
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