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Posts Tagged "Bookii"
I always feel a little odd when I think about my “roots.” Same with blood and blood lines and “family ties.” It is because I am adopted and I simply don’t know how to “hold” these words in my soul. I simply haven’t ever been able to make a decision about how to think about these concepts. I have always known it would be easier if I had some… conviction about it. It is the indecision that comes with having to choose which family to identify with as my connection to the past, my ancestors. It leaves me feeling a bit lost. I know I could decide to call either my biological family my “roots” or my adopted family my “family ties.” But neither quite feels true to me. I have always been comforted by the stories in both families that I am a tiny bit Cherokee. Somehow by having the same lineage in both families, it is true. I feel connection to the possessions of those I loved and those of their ancestors that they loved. I feel less connected to family reunions, family trees, and the concept of “ancestors.” When I was 21 years old my birth mother searched for me. I met her and much of her family. They were nice people and I enjoyed visiting with them. I was in a relationship with them for a while and then for a variety of reasons backed away for a number of years. I reconnected with my birth mother a few years ago. It is a fairly casual relationship now–we talk by phone a few times a year. I have liked the concept of genealogy and tracing roots since I first heard of it. I love the idea of being a detective, tracing people through genealogical lines and learning their stories. But I always stop before I engage because I wouldn’t know which family to trace. Neither feels right. My biological family because it is lacking the love—I don’t really care how...
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We had an opportunity to add a stop in Iceland on our way to Paris. Travel tip: If you book on Iceland Air, you can make a stop in Iceland at no additional charge. Iceland can be both wildly expensive or strangely inexpensive depending on how you travel. Almost all of the amazing geological sites are free. Because the country is an island, most of the consumer goods are imports, so if you stay away from shopping you can avoid high costs. Renting a car was interesting given that much of the country is impassable in a passenger car. We kept worrying that we were going to drive into a forbidden area but it never happened. We did see some giant SUVs that take people into the interior of the island. Next time, I want to go in there! We found an amazing Bed and Breakfast called Minna-Mosfell. They are near the Golden Circle and about 45 minutes from Kevflavik airport. The hosts Gudrun and Valur are warm and inviting. Their reviews on Trip Advisor are the best I have ever seen. They have a place with 3 rooms with a shared bath. Their set up is a lovely shared space with a sitting area and a table as well as a small self-catering kitchen. They have fresh home-made bread each morning as well as homegrown eggs, cheese, and tasty treats. We were able to make some sandwiches to take out on our day-trips which made our visit in Iceland so amazingly kid friendly. They provided a picnic backpack and a thermos for each room. This allowed for considerable savings and we ended up eating out for one simple meal each day. Their hospitality was unbelievable. The landscape in Iceland is fantastic. It looks like a moonscape when you fly into to town with all the lava. There are very few trees and when we were there in the summer, it was green everywhere with purple Lupines blooming all over the place. Driving around Iceland...
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To my husband, You are the love of my life. You make my life richer, fuller, more interesting and so full of love. When we decided to join our lives together I had dreams of flowers and romance and making each other happy. And there have been days like that. But the reality of our marriage has been so much more complex. We challenge each other and take on big challenges and lifetime commitments together. We make life changing decisions together. Marriage involves an intimacy that takes my breath away when I allow myself to think about it. You have seen me at my worst and you love me anyway. You have been so incredibly mad at me and still you love me so much. The intimacy of that love year after year is astounding. At every juncture there is a choice to keep committing to our love or to get annoyed, give up and stop. Every time, you choose love. I know you love me because of how you care for our lives. The evidence of the love you have for our family is all around us. It is clear in the way you care for our children and make time for them. It is in the grass you cut, in the swimming pool you maintain, it is in the white picket fence that lines our 2-acre property that you repair and replace pickets for each year. A couple of years ago someone recommended we replace that fence with something that would require less maintenance. I couldn’t imagine trading it in–it is a symbol for me of the love in our lives. Your love shows when you give me the car with the gas tank full and make sure the oil gets changed. We haven’t chosen an easy life, but one full of love and care. You show me that love every day. When we got married, I thought marriage was about love and kisses but what I know now is that being...
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After deciding to try being in a relationship with Mel, I had to try to figure out how I wanted to “be” in the relationship. I know the rules are different for us, but I didn’t know how I wanted to “be” with those rules. Also, we were in a new relationship and I wasn’t ready to tell everyone I knew about us because I wanted to keep him to myself. After we had been together about a week, we went to an event I have come to recall as my “One Day in the Closet”. This was an event put on by our church and ironically, it was an informational event for congregants about the church becoming a “welcoming congregation”. Being a “welcoming congregation” is a Unitarian Universalist designation meaning the church is GLBT Friendly. The church has a series of information sessions and then votes to become “a welcoming congregation”. Mel and I go to this and pretend for the whole day that we aren’t together, that we aren’t a couple. We know most of the people there and we try to “act normally.” It is agony. I want to hold his hand, I want to sit next to him. I feel physically sick from the deception. The event goes from 9am-3pm and when the end finally comes, I realize that if I am going to be in a relationship with Mel, then I am not going to hide. I am going to have to be brave enough to come out of the closet and tell everyone I know that we are together. Even though I am sure I don’t want to be closeted, I am also sure that I want to be safe. I become acutely aware of the special attention we get if we hold hands in public. I learn to ask myself whether it is safe before I grab Mel’s hand. I look around–usually for conservative looking rednecks–before offering a kiss. I am a rebel, so I like the...
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I want to share myself through writing. I want the essence of who I am to sneak through the words and onto the page. Tiny bits of me tumbling through the letters and sentence structure to transmit a little bit of me to people who stop by to read what I have written. I want my voice to sing, I want my words to touch and inspire, I want my hands to touch the keys with love and transfer the emotion to the world that is in my heart.
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