Home >>
Posts Tagged "Commitment"
It has become clear to me that I am not going to make my goal of 100 yoga classes in 100 days. The end of the 100 days is about 10 days away and I am down 9 classes. It was an optimistic goal. I was on track until I went on a trip. Then I got caught in the polar vortex for an extra 4 nights in Orlando. I have counted so many times to see if I could make it. It is theoretically possible, but not in a way that feels sane or reasonable in my busy life. I am noticing my attachment and I am allowing failure intentionally–watching it happen–because it feels like the right thing to do. I don’t have regret, although I still wish it was different. It is a disappointed dream for me personally as I will be 7-9 classes short of my goal. Now I need a new goal. I have realized I have the possibility of continuing on and resetting the goal for 125 classes in 125 days or 150 classes in 150 days. It would give me time to double up some classes on the weekends. I notice my attachment to this structure of lots of classes and how it makes me feel a little bit special. Maybe I should let it go and just allow myself to be “normal”. Someone who goes to yoga sometimes. I know I have other travel happening soon. I wonder if I will just get behind again–maybe life will “happen” again and again. I worry about my commitment level. I don’t have a great track record with exercise. The daily commitment really has worked for me because there is no opportunity for excuses. I go daily. The goal of daily yoga has served my body, my mind, and my spirit. I don’t like that I don’t trust myself to “do” yoga without a big picture goal. Or maybe that goal is just helping me do what doesn’t...
read more
It is my third day of yoga. I can’t do the 6:30 am class because it is silent yoga and I am sure I am not yet ready for that. I still have no idea what I am doing or what the sequences are. I am going to try a 2pm class and will go straight to get the boys afterward. Not sure if I will have time to shower or not but am glad there is a class that works for me. I get to Moksha just before class. “I am running,” I say, as I check in. “You have lots of time,” the woman behind the counter says. “Really?” I ask, surprised “Seven minutes,” she replies. I laugh at my own sense of hurry and how seven minutes can be a lot of time or a little. I am ready for yoga. The class is full. I find a place by the door. I again notice the space under my lower back as I lie down. I focus on my breathing and after five minutes I feel totally connected to my mat, the floor, the earth. I do more poses this time and am really enjoying how my body feels outside of yoga. I am feeling more solid on my legs than I have in a long time. I wore heels yesterday and felt really comfortable in them. I am feeling my muscles but am not physically very tired. Probably because I am mostly still lying on the floor trying to keep from overheating. I am having a dialogue in my head wondering if I am fooling myself by thinking that I am going to yoga, doing a few poses and then lying around on the floor sweating and calling it exercise. I am trying to still this voice and convince myself that if I want to lie on the floor, it is fine and if I come and continue to show up and be present, I will be doing more and...
read more
I got really excited when I was doing some laundry and I saw a beach towel that isn’t too crazy that has about the right texture to use for yoga. I have a yoga towel! Woo hoo! I have packed a bag for yoga so I try showering after. I didn’t shower yesterday and I felt grimy and a little cold as I left. With all that sweat, showering seems like a more pleasant alternative. And I think I have time to shower and get home to do kid lunches and get them out the door. I can be home by 8am. I still feel a little shy as I go into Moksha. I have my new mat which I removed from the paper wrap in the car so I don’t look “new.” I have my beach towel and my water bottle and my bag. I take my wallet out of my purse and leave it locked in the car so I can take my purse in and keep my Prius smart key there. I’ll have to figure this out. There are no lockers inside, so I need a system for my stuff that doesn’t feel awkward. I get into the studio and lay my mat down. I had a hard time hearing yesterday so I try to get a spot closer to the middle. It is warm but I am looking forward to my time on my mat. I am looking forward to the time lying quietly on my back. I want the quiet and I want to see if my body relaxes again. I lie down and as before, I notice my lower back being a bit uncomfortable as I lie down. I am conscious of the gap between my lower back and the floor. Five minutes later, the feeling is gone. I feel supported completely by the floor. I feel solid, held and relaxed on my mat. I am able to do a few more poses this time and I remember...
read more
