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Posts Tagged "The Crucible Bookii"
I didn’t succeed at my 200 day challenge. I just couldn’t complete the number of classes I would need to make up to do it. I took my son to New Mexico for spring break, I couldn’t find a yoga studio, I got asked to work in California, and I realized I was just not going to complete my 200 days of yoga challenge. It was a disappointment to realize I wasn’t going to make 200 yoga classes in 200 days. It was a challenge I liked. In the back of my head, I had hoped I could continue and could actually do 365 classes in 365 days. I wanted to know what a year of yoga would do for my body. How would I be different. I was fascinated by the idea that I would do yoga every day and I could see the impact it would have on my life. But I never scaled back my travel or other activities. I wanted it all. I realized I am more diverse than just yoga. I want a rich and full life and I want to travel. I am not willing to give up travel to do yoga. So here I am, trying to find a standard and doing mostly daily yoga. I have been trying to figure out my “new normal.” If I don’t do yoga every day, then how much yoga do I do? I also love the benefits of going almost every day. I like how daily yoga impacts my life. It is a practice and I like practicing yoga almost every day. I really struggled over this and it felt like a real journey for me to figure it out. In my life, I haven’t been good at regular exercise. I don’t wake up and think “exercise sounds good” because mostly it doesn’t. I would rather read a book on the couch. So I had some fear that if I didn’t do yoga every day, then I might just stop...
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It has become clear to me that I am not going to make my goal of 100 yoga classes in 100 days. The end of the 100 days is about 10 days away and I am down 9 classes. It was an optimistic goal. I was on track until I went on a trip. Then I got caught in the polar vortex for an extra 4 nights in Orlando. I have counted so many times to see if I could make it. It is theoretically possible, but not in a way that feels sane or reasonable in my busy life. I am noticing my attachment and I am allowing failure intentionally–watching it happen–because it feels like the right thing to do. I don’t have regret, although I still wish it was different. It is a disappointed dream for me personally as I will be 7-9 classes short of my goal. Now I need a new goal. I have realized I have the possibility of continuing on and resetting the goal for 125 classes in 125 days or 150 classes in 150 days. It would give me time to double up some classes on the weekends. I notice my attachment to this structure of lots of classes and how it makes me feel a little bit special. Maybe I should let it go and just allow myself to be “normal”. Someone who goes to yoga sometimes. I know I have other travel happening soon. I wonder if I will just get behind again–maybe life will “happen” again and again. I worry about my commitment level. I don’t have a great track record with exercise. The daily commitment really has worked for me because there is no opportunity for excuses. I go daily. The goal of daily yoga has served my body, my mind, and my spirit. I don’t like that I don’t trust myself to “do” yoga without a big picture goal. Or maybe that goal is just helping me do what doesn’t...
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I didn’t ever really get the Christmas spirit this year. I come from a long line of women who love Christmas. Every year, I get excited about the holidays. I am touched by the music, I love doing the decorations, I love the presents, I love entertaining. I usually love it all. This year, I never caught that holiday spirit. I tried. We had a big party, we decorated the house, we had presents, we spent time together as a family. But somehow, it felt like work this year and I kept waiting for the hallelujah chorus. Is something wrong with me? Is it because I am getting older? I have been trying to figure out what happened. I don’t really know what it was, except maybe I am tired–I have been doing my yoga challenge since October 15th. Because of an ice storm, our party was smaller than usual and we had too much leftover food–it really bugged me and I didn’t want to throw it away so we ate too much stuff I usually don’t eat. We lost power for 24 hours after the party because of the ice storm and I got really worried about our family. I don’t want to be a whiner, but I FEEL like a whiner. I am so incredibly blessed and I love my family so much and somehow it all just overwhelmed me this year. I long for simplicity and love and quiet. It is hard to find it in the midst of all these people I love. I think next year I want to change some things. I think after 11 years of having a giant Christmas party, I am ready to change it. I want it to be different. I hope next year Christmas will feel different. I want to feel the wonder of the season. My love of Christmas feels like a treasure I should love and cherish–protect in some way. As I wrote that, the tears came, so I figure I...
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In the last few weeks I have lost count and I don’t seem to be able to keep track of how many days I have been doing my yoga challenge. With the business of December, I don’t have any bandwidth for the information. I try to count–I admit it, sometimes during Shavasana, but I can’t really hold onto the thought. Somewhere between 50 and 70 it just stopped mattering. I am just showing up every day as a practice. It feels a little like free-falling and maybe a little crazy. Yoga is definitely a part of my daily practice. I can’t imagine not having it. I had been “banking” some classes–my goal has been to complete 100 classes in 100 days–and I will be out of town for 6 nights in early January. I had 2 classes “banked” when we had an ice storm and the studio was closed for a day and I missed a class. Then I missed a class the next day because I got there without my yoga top and had to leave. I couldn’t picture doing hot yoga in my sweater. I actually had tears as I drove home. I love yoga and in that moment it felt like a loss. I wonder about being too attached to my yoga practice, but I figure it is early days. I am happy I have found exercise that I love, and happy I like the studio and have a place to practice that gives me joy. And it does. It is a lovely place. I need to start counting the days. I will need to pay attention in order to make my 100 classes– or I will need to do some yoga while I am at Disneyworld. I am planning to take my mat. I think that practicing some yoga on my own would make it more my own. If I count that practice toward my 100 days of yoga, my goal will be easier. Maybe easier is perfect for me...
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Today is Day 60. I am noticing more changes and I have been musing on some things. Here’s what I have noticed: 1. My midsection feels “weird” when I touch it. I think it is muscle. It feels kind of hard. 2. I notice when I am in the studio I need much less space around me than I did when I started. I am really happy to find a little corner of the room where my mat will fit and about 6 inches on one side for my blocks and strap. 3. There were a couple of mornings this week that were hard to wake up for yoga. One because I was out late the night before, and one because it was cold. I notice there is a two minute “choice” period when I decide to go or not go. Holding myself to the daily yoga construct makes my choice for me. I like the structure of daily yoga. It gets rid of the need to have self control or initiative. 4. My core muscles are still less strong than I want them to be. This is obvious in all the balance poses. 5. The longer I do this, the harder it can be to quiet my mind during yoga. For me it was easy to quiet my mind in the beginning. Now it is more challenging. 6. I have some “yoga friends”. People I say hi to in the change room. As an extrovert, I like this. 7. It takes a long time to get fit when you aren’t. I started working with a trainer 19 months ago and then switched to Yoga 60 days ago. Last night we walked around at a night festival and I got tired and sore. I still have a long way to go. 8. I love my mat. It feels important to me. 9. I signed up for the mat cleaning service at the studio. This means I get to leave it on the floor and...
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