Transgender Pronouns

Posted by Melanie in Ask Me Anything, Ask Melanie, Mel & Me, Our Story | 1 comment

Question:  When you write, you always use “he” when you write about Mel.  Shouldn’t you use “she” before Mel transitioned and “he” after?

Anonymous

Camping

Answer:

First of all, thanks for asking.  There was a moment in time when we actually changed pronouns.  I designed this with Mel’s mother and it was for us, not for Mel.  It felt so hokey to wake up one day and change pronouns but it was starting to be weird.  We went on one very memorable camping trip where half of the people were calling Mel “she” and half were calling Mel “he.”  I tried not to use any pronouns at all.  It was weird.

So, on Labor Day, Mel’s mom came for a visit and we took the plunge.  We started the process to change pronouns.  I have to say it was a messy business.  For several years I worried I would slip up and say the wrong pronoun.  Mel has always been incredibly gracious about this but I have felt like I would fail him with a wrong pronoun.

But now, I don’t slip.  He is firmly placed in the “male” category in my mind.  Somehow, I can’t go back and call Mel “she.”  For me now, Mel was never a “she.”  He has always been the exact same person he is now.  And I feel like we righted a wrong and I have no desire to go back to a “wrong” construct.  So, when I talk about Mel, I might talk about before he transitioned but he never wanted to be “she” and now I never want to go back either.  So in my stories, Mel will always be “he.”

Melanie

The Crucible Bookii is my story as it continues to unfold and how I see the world from my perch on the edge of the Crucible…because falling in love changed everything.  To read more about our story,  may I suggest Unlikely Renewal of Vows