A friend was over today and asked him just this question. I was also curious about his answer.
He said he felt vulnerable and exposed and a little nervous. He talked about the difference between Jerry Springer and Oprah Winfrey. We asked him what he meant.
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I have been on a major organizing kick. I have been buying magazines for a couple of years that mention “organizing” on the cover. I got a quote from a professional organizer. And we decided to give it a go ourselves first, to see how far we could get. I bought a book that I liked and I have been following the author’s steps of: Sort Purge Containerize Equalize I worked in my office all last week and got it up to speed, and this week I am working in the boy’s room. It’s a big job. I worked on Xander’s side of the bed on Sunday and we got a good start. I’m going to try to do one side of the room each day. Today I worked on their Lego table. I had looked at it yesterday and I’d been asking them how it might make sense to organize it. Emerson said by color and shape. I was driving by Target and I had some time so I went in to look. I found some plastic bins in 2 sizes. I got 12 small bins that stack and 6 large bins that stack. I thought we could use the small bins for the Legos themselves and the large bins for unfinished work and projects since they are always working on something. I also got a label maker, as recommended by the book. I brought everything home and went through the mess of Lego. One of the hardest parts of getting everything organized is letting go of feelings of inadequacy or shame that I haven’t done this sooner. Anyway, I sorted every Lego into a box by color, and the organization system started to emerge. I got my label maker and labeled every container and every section. The label maker was very satisfying and fun. I tried to think about what might work and how to make it a useful system. I was lucky that I had a block of time when the...
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Last night we went to an event at the kids’ school put on by the Baptists. It was a weird event– at the end of the day they put up a bunch of gigantic bouncy things and invited the kids to what they called a Community Event. Earlier in the week the school sent home an invitation. It was impossible to say no to the boys without telling them why. For me the “why” would have been something like–“Hey kids, we can’t go to that event because the Baptists actively campaign against our marriage and family in the two countries we are citizens of and they don’t support our family so we can’t go to their event and eat their hot-dogs because it is a trick.” That message seemed inappropriate for children, so I took them to the event. They had a couple of guys playing music who were super talented, some hamburgers and hot-dogs, and a bunch of games for the kids, manned by very attractive teenagers. Some other parents who we know from the school were also there. The kids had a fantastic time with their friends and everything was free. All in all, it was a great event for the kids. I ended up having a couple of weird conversations with two of the Baptists. One was taking part in a survey that I answered honestly. The girl doing the survey asked if I believed in heaven or hell and I said no. Then she asked what happens after I die, and I said I honestly didn’t know. She didn’t seem to like my answer and prodded “What do you think happens?” I thought about it for a moment and realized that I really don’t know, and said so (as I answered her I realized I am kind of okay with not knowing). I realized no one really knows. I could tell she was pretty uncomfortable with my answer. She asked if she could show me what the Bible says,...
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Mel’s dad was in town and we were looking for something to do. He had heard about an amazing exhibit of Florentine Art at the Art Gallery of Ontario and he took us out for the day. We had a great time! It was also a fun day for 8-year-old boys which was unexpected. I will try to share what made it great for them, too. We drove into Toronto, exited the Gardiner Expressway at Spadina, turned right on Dundas and parked in a parking garage. This allowed us to explore China Town and walk to the AGO a block away. We went to a Dim Sum restaurant that seemed to be for a Chinese clientele rather than a tourist crowd. They had a big sign out front that said “All Day Dim Sum.” It is 2 doors down from Rol Jui right next to a bank. I can see it on Google street view but it doesn’t seem to have an English sign. We sat down and food started arriving. This was one of the parts that made this day great for my 8-year-olds. They got to pick food off the carts and they loved it. They got to eat a lot of shrimp. We had dumplings and fried sashimi and a dish with duck and vegetables. We got a giant bowl of wonton soup to share and it was lovely. The dumplings were very tasty. The Sticky Rice was good. I loved eating family style and sharing all the bits. We finished off with sesame balls for dessert. The atmosphere was vibrant and alive. I have ordered Dim Sum before in restaurants but this was my first time in a Dim Sum restaurant. It was fantastic. Next we walked through Chinatown and looked at the many curios and foods on display as we made our way to the museum. We were on an adventure. The boys enjoyed the walking. The only glitch was the boys had tea at lunch and ended up a bit jacked...
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I hate the feeling when I screw up. I like to be together, kind, thoughtful, organized, tidy etc—all the good words. However it seems like when I go fast, I start to miss things. I am much better able to be all the good words when I have time to think, time to plan and mental capacity for all the bits and pieces that make up my life. I don’t like messing up. But it happens. It happens with my kids when I get cranky for no reason. It happens with my husband when I forget to tell him about a meeting in the evening and I don’t come home when he expects me to, I am slow to have important conversations, and generally I start to feel like all the balls are dropping around me. I don’t even have time to think about all the balls that are in the air because I am tidying up all the messes for the balls that are dropping. For me, this is a sign that I am too busy. I think about my list which looks something like this: Do 28 day diet Plan Europe trip Book accommodations in Europe Help my daughter problem-solve her school challenges Help my daughter figure out how to get a Toronto Restaurant apprenticeship Create curriculum for workshop in two weeks Communicate with partners about the workshop Coach clients Communicate with people interested in coaching Read client’s new book Read other client’s new book Think about hiring a personal trainer Do client work–web development Write daily for the Crucible as I committed to my coach Wash dishes–dishwasher has been broken since September because of rats Think about buying a new dishwasher when the Pest Control folks come back Get ready for exchange student who may arrive any time Read to my kids Train my dog, or at a bare minimum, get her to the dog park for exercise. Socialize with friends As I write this list, it seems even more...
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A couple of mornings ago we were all hanging around in the kitchen during breakfast and my son Xander said, “I don’t want you guys to ever get divorced.” He has been asking questions lately about step-parents and would he ever have step-parents and I know his little brain is trying to figure it all out. My husband says, “Melanie are you in for never getting divorced?” I said, “Are you in?” “Yes,” he replied. And I could tell he really meant it. “Me, too.” I said. “Let’s shake on it,” he said. And so we did. There was an intimacy to all this in front of our children that was much like declaring our love in front of 125 friends and family. It was sweet, it was current, and in many ways it was deeper for me than any vow I have ever made. Mel and I aren’t prone to big displays of affection but this little exchange darn near took my breath away. I walked out of the kitchen wondering what had just happened. It was an unexpected moment of incredible intimacy. The Crucible Bookii is my story as it continues to unfold and how I see the world from my perch on the edge of the Crucible…because falling in love changed everything. To read more about our story, may I suggest Our Gay...
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