The Holidays Kind of Got to Me This Year

Jan 20, 14 The Holidays Kind of Got to Me This Year

Posted by in Dear Diary

I didn’t ever really get the Christmas spirit this year. I come from a long line of women who love Christmas. Every year, I get excited about the holidays. I am touched by the music, I love doing the decorations, I love the presents, I love entertaining. I usually love it all. This year, I never caught that holiday spirit. I tried. We had a big party, we decorated the house, we had presents, we spent time together as a family. But somehow, it felt like work this year and I kept waiting for the hallelujah chorus. Is something wrong with me? Is it because I am getting older? I have been trying to figure out what happened. I don’t really know what it was, except maybe I am tired–I have been doing my yoga challenge since October 15th.  Because of an ice storm, our party was smaller than usual and we had too much leftover food–it really bugged me and I didn’t want to throw it away so we ate too much stuff I usually don’t eat. We lost power for 24 hours after the party because of the ice storm and I got really worried about our family. I don’t want to be a whiner, but I FEEL like a whiner. I am so incredibly blessed and I love my family so much and somehow it all just overwhelmed me this year. I long for simplicity and love and quiet. It is hard to find it in the midst of all these people I love. I think next year I want to change some things. I think after 11 years of having a giant Christmas party, I am ready to change it. I want it to be different. I hope next year Christmas will feel different. I want to feel the wonder of the season. My love of Christmas feels like a treasure I should love and cherish–protect in some way. As I wrote that, the tears came, so I figure I...

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Screwing Up

May 26, 13 Screwing Up

Posted by in Dear Diary, Family

I hate the feeling when I screw up.  I like to be together, kind, thoughtful, organized, tidy etc—all the good words.  However it seems like when I go fast, I start to miss things.  I am much better able to be all the good words when I have time to think, time to plan and mental capacity for all the bits and pieces that make up my life.  I don’t like messing up.  But it happens. It happens with my kids when I get cranky for no reason.  It happens with my husband when I forget to tell him about a meeting in the evening and I don’t come home when he expects me to, I am slow to have important conversations, and generally I start to feel like all the balls are dropping around me.  I don’t even have time to think about all the balls that are in the air because I am tidying up all the messes for the balls that are dropping. For me, this is a sign that I am too busy.  I think about my list which looks something like this: Do 28 day diet Plan Europe trip Book accommodations in Europe Help my daughter problem-solve her school challenges Help my daughter figure out how to get a Toronto Restaurant apprenticeship Create curriculum for workshop in two weeks Communicate with partners about the workshop Coach clients Communicate with people interested in coaching Read client’s new book Read other client’s new book Think about hiring a personal trainer Do client work–web development Write daily for the Crucible as I committed to my coach Wash dishes–dishwasher has been broken since September because of rats Think about buying a new dishwasher when the Pest Control folks come back Get ready for exchange student who may arrive any time Read to my kids Train my dog, or at a bare minimum, get her to the dog park for exercise. Socialize with friends   As I write this list, it seems even more...

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